Can you always see the effects of your decisions?
This question has been on my mind lately. As I watch the trees blowing in the wind and the snow swirling around my feet, I wonder. What causes the trees to blow? What causes the snow to swirl?
It is obvious. The wind. We know that. But...we cannot SEE the wind. We see the effects of it. We see the things that the wind causes. The blowing trees. The swirling snow. The downed power lines in a storm. We see that, but we cannot see the wind.
What about our decisions? Can we ever see the effects of our decisions? Yes. We can. In many ways. If we are planting a garden, we can see the effects of the watering and soil that is used. Poor watering and soil will yield poor results. Good soil that is rich in nutrients will yield a good crop and produce an abundance of plants.
Those are the effects or results of our decisions.
What about with relationships?
Can we always see the results or effects of our decisions? No. I do not believe we can. Especially when raising a family. Our decisions made when our children are young do not always produce a result immediately. Decisions affect them emotionally and mentally, and we often do not realize what effect they had on our children until they are adults.
The decision to not let you kids attend a party might cause them to become angry. Will it scar them for life? I sure hope not. But, what about a decision to leave a mentally or emotionally abusive relationship? What about the decision to NOT leave?
Every decision we make has an effect in the future. Whether than is ten years from now or tomorrow. We may see that result or effect, or we may not.
Live your best life?
So, how do we then live? How can we know we are doing the right thing when it comes to our children and family? How do we KNOW? It has often been said that as parents, we just need to "do the best we can with the situation and circumstances that surround us". And, that is true. We do not know what we do not know so how can we factor that in to any decisions? We just can't.
We know what we know NOW. We know the situation in front of us and everything that surrounds us. That is it. So, we make decisions based on those facts and circumstances. We do the best we can in the situation we are in.
Getting help and being sure.
One thing, though. We also need to be SURE we have exhausted all means of help and all ways to make the situation right or good. We have to do our homework. Saying we "did the best we could in the situation we are in" is true, but we also need to be sure we are exhausting every means necessary to be sure it is the right decision.
Our decisions as parents shape our children into the people they become. Those decisions can also turn our adult children further away from us if they decide that the decisions we made when they were young were wrong, unhealthy, or even toxic.
Perspective
But, do they have the same perspective as us? No, they do not. They only see what is in front of them, not what lies in the shadows beyond. So, their decisions are made based on their perspectives and their understanding of the events or event, even though it may be not entirely true. And, to me, that is really sad.
The Bottom Line
The bottom line is this. We cannot change the past. We may grieve over our decisions we made. We may get angry at ourselves once we see the effects and results of those decisions years later. It hurts. It really does. I have made a lot of decisions. Many were not as welcomed as others. I see the results of those decisions now and often get grieved in my heart. I also see that some of those decisions produced something really beautiful.
I have had a lot of time to think lately, and if you are reading this, you might wonder what in the world I am talking about. Just the musings on my mind and in my heart and I had to write it down.
I do hope that if you are reading this, you will have hope in your heart that you are making the best decisions for your family. You are doing the best you can in the situation you are in. Because, often, that is all you can do.
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